Unlocking my ADHD Brain

I was a kid who was very obviously ADHD.

I had the classic boy hyperactive and social personality. But my parents didn't feel like they needed to get me diagnosed until later when it became more of a problem. They were told "unless she's struggling in school she's probably okay".

Granted, I was doing great in school until halfway through high school, and I was doing okay otherwise. In hindsight, maybe having the diagnosis of ADHD sooner now that there is more information about it would have been helpful in parenting me. But again, a lot of the research wasn't out there.

So in 10th grade is when I was really struggling in school. I had been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease about a year before, and I was in Advanced Placement classes and it was beginning to really get harder for me. Eventually we went to Yvonne Pennington, Ty Pennington's mom (from extreme makeover home edition!) and she officially diagnosed me.

Trial and error through medications through the years, but I was put on Adderall for the longest amount of time since it's actually worked for me. Though that is a fear of mine, of getting to where it no longer works for me since your body eventually builds up a tolerance, though that ended up not being the bigger problem of a national shortage, so I can't get it anyway.

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The more I've seen between Tiktok and Facebook groups I have realized more and more of my quirks and personality traits are all part of my ADHD. My food weirdness about different textures of things, like avocados. Like how I always wore my socks inside out until almost college because I didn't like the seam of the sock on my toes. Or glittery shirts because the feel of the glitter on my skin. A lot of sensory things. Come to find out, its why I have had such a hard time adulting.

My family has always been very supportive of me, and have always tried offering help in different ways and giving me information to aid me. But nothing ever really worked or stuck with me. They assumed it was my stubbornness. I assumed it was my laziness. And either way I hated myself for not being able to function like the normal adult I should be able to be.

But it turns out, I wasn't ever able to figure out a method that worked with the way my brain works, nor was I given information in a way my mind was able to process and use. It is just about hacking into my brains tendencies and using them in order to make things work. For instance, not taking my shoes off when I get home, because it keeps the motivation going to get things done. Also, I ended up having to just write out my Master Plan. I needed to see all the areas of my life I needed to un-fuck in order to visualize all that I need to be doing, get done, and plan for doing.

Part of what has helped me is using a weekly planner for all the time I have after work. I also had to realize at my rock bottom that not doing things I didn't want to do was part of what got me in my mess. So I had to make a huge change. Which I have still been implementing bit by bit.

Another key has been self compassion. Yes, I am the way I am now. But I give myself understanding, and it is what it is, I am working on bettering myself, and move on. Because constantly talking shit about myself and how worthless and lazy I am hasn't helped me do anything after all of this time.

I am doing what I can, adding little good habits into my life whenever I can, trying to do at least one productive thing every day instead of letting it stack up for the weekend. And I'm going to continue doing this, for as long as I can, and my counselor will help me with motivation and staying on track. I can do this.